Not enough
by Maxaro
Summary: Co-written with Lonely. Can be considered a sequel to For myself. Jaune Arc didn't belong at Beacon. He wasn't strong enough to be there. He wasn't strong enough to be a true Arc. He simply wasn't enough.


Jaune wiped the sweat off his brow, taking deep breaths so as not to pass out on the floor of the locker room. A struggle was going on in his mind as he slammed his locker shut angrily, and then punched it as hard as he could, leaving a dent in the metal. It caused him to laugh solemnly. Even now that he can do that, he still wasn't where he needed to be. He calmly turned around then left the locker room, trying his hardest to leave the air of unworthiness behind him. If he carried even an ounce of it with him, the others would feel it. So he put on his biggest smile as he met up with his team.

"Jaune-y~!" sang Nora, in her familiar tone of greeting. Even if they had just seen each other a few minutes ago, she was still happy to see him. That was just how she was. Pyrrha and Ren were far too wrapped up in conversation to notice his return, and he just kept on walking, even when Nora stopped.

"Jaune-y? Where are you going?" He ignored Nora's question, knowing that if he opened his mouth she would realize how bad his mood was at the moment. He didn't want to take his frustration out on anyone but himself, it was no one's fault but his own that he ended up here in the first place. "Jaune-y!" Nora yelled after him, but Jaune once again ignored it, merely raising his hand shakily and pointing towards the roof.

He didn't know if she followed him or not, or if Ren or Pyrrha did either, but he still locked the door to the roof when he got there, taking a moment to take a deep breath before slamming his fist into the brickwork, much like he had done mere minutes earlier with the locker, completely ignoring the pain lancing through his arm and knuckles from the impact along with the cracks appearing on the wall.

 **"GODDAMMIT!"**

That one curse was all he had in him to say. His breathing slowed down, and he tried to follow Pyrrha's breathing exercises, but all it served to do was make him want to punch something harder than before. He briefly wondered why it had hurt in the first place, he still had Aura in the yellow, even after sparring. One look at his scroll, and he understood why. He had put focus on the punch so much that he actually threw some into it. He was completely drained now. Vulnerable. He felt ashamed. How could he mess up like that? After two years of training?

He fell back onto the roof and stared up at the clouds as they moved slowly by, but then a small knocking sound grabbed his attention. Someone was knocking on the door to the roof. "Who the hell?" He grudgingly stood up and slowly made his way over to the door, opening it up slightly and peeking through the crack. "Nora... I don't want to talk to anyone right now-"

She didn't seem to care, and pushed her way through anyway. He had no more strength to fight back against her anyway, so he let her do what she wanted.

She stood with her back to him for a moment, looking out over the Beacon grounds, before she turned to face him. He was about to open his mouth to ask what she was doing there, but he didn't have the chance as she closed the distance between them and gently took his now bleeding hand into her own.

She didn't say anything, merely urging him to sit down against the wall while she inspected the damage to his knuckles. Small stings of pain shot from his hand as she gently prodded at the visibly misshapen state of it, and he he had to clench his teeth hard to stop himself from groaning in pain when she quickly reset his knuckle.

When the knuckle was reset she sat down next to him, pulling his hand onto her lap, before she tore off a part of her skirt for a makeshift bandage.

"Nora... I just needed to vent a little..." he could see by her posture that she was upset with him, she hated when he did something to harm himself.

Over the course of two years, people can change. Truer words have never been spoken in the case of them specifically. Jaune himself had changed quite a bit; more confident than nervous, and he had a lot more drive to work towards his goals. But every change had downsides, and though he was driven, he was upset with himself more than ever before if he didn't show the progress that he wanted.

Nora had grown to be... more serious about certain things. Her old energy was still there, she still smiled often, and made people laugh, and she certainly had fun at every chance she got, but Jaune had observed the changes in her, and he knew this was one of them. Her worry, and her disappointment. She wasn't afraid of feeling bad anymore. She didn't hide it when she was. Before, she always let it build up, and it had made for some pretty upsetting episodes of depression. BPD was a harsh mistress.

"If you needed to vent, you could have just came to me. I've told you a thousand times, but you never get it into your stupid head," she whispered harshly, wrapping his hand up gently.

She didn't understand, Jaune knew. He _wanted_ to talk to her about all the things in his head, the reason he was so angry, but she wouldn't get it. He loved Nora, but things like this had never been her strong suit. She was a Valkyrie, she didn't have a legacy of great heroes whose honor it was her mission to uphold. How could she understand how much he hated himself for not being the hero he needed to be. He wanted to help people, to help everyone, to be a hero like all the great Arcs before him, but he wasn't. He was just Jaune.

"Jaune... please talk to me..." Nora's now gentle voice brought him out of his thoughts for a moment. "Whatever it is that's bothering you I want to know. So I can help you, like you help me. Please, Jaune..."

 _'I don't deserve someone like you...'_ he thought solemnly, _'I don't deserve to be here, I don't deserve any of you guys' friendship... I'm not enough...'_

She finished wrapping his hand up, and he held it up to get a closer look. The pink cotton wrapped around his hand in a snug fashion, but it wasn't a good substitute. He looked down at the tear in her skirt, feeling a bit bad that she had done that just for him. "It's alright, I don't care. I have a lot of skirts. Just tell me what's the matter." He looked up into her eyes and exhaled, letting out a breath he didn't even know was being held in his lungs.

"I'm just..." If he told her, she wouldn't get it. No one ever did. When he had tried having the same discussion with Ruby, she just said "Nope," again, and that was it. It was perhaps the only way she knew to help. She wasn't good with words a lot of the time. "I'm not good enough to be here."

"Jaune-"

"No, Nora, I know I'm not. I've been training my hardest for two years, and you're all still improving! It seems like I'm a million miles behind you guys at all times. My family had doubts about me coming here, and it just seems like I'm proving them right every day. I don't want to be a burden, but that's all I am. I'm the only Arc in our family history so far that hasn't done something heroic. I haven't saved someone's life, I haven't fought in a war, I haven't done anything worthy of the Arc name! The Arcs are proud warriors, but I'm just a failure who thought he was good enough to sneak into a combat school for people so far beyond his league it's almost sad! I've improved, I can fight, but it's not enough! It's not enough for an Arc!" Jaune didn't that realize tears had begun to pool in his eyes as he ranted and that said tears were now rolling freely down his cheeks. "I just want to help people, but I'm not even good enough to do something that simple! I'm nothing but a big, useless failure!"

His hand rose from Nora's lap on instinct, and had Nora not quickly caught it again he would have slammed it into the wall once more. He tried to fight against her grip, but she was far stronger than him and before he knew what was happening his face was pressed into her shoulder and she began to gently stroke his hair.

"You're not a useless failure. And you never will be." Nora pulled him down as they both sat on the roof, and he willingly cried into her shoulder. "When you first came here, I thought you weren't anything to be impressed by, you know that, I've told you that before. I used to poke fun at you, yet still it always upset me when you honestly agreed with me. But over time you've impressed me in so many different ways, and I can't deny that all of those reasons are why I fell in love with you in the first place. Not because you're some big, tough, macho guy that could take on a legion of Grimm or whatever... but because you care about people, and their problems, and their safety. And that's enough. You try harder than anyone else here, and that's enough."

"But-"

"It is enough, Jaune. I promise. You always doubt yourself, but I wouldn't want this team to be lead by anyone else." Her hold tightened. She didn't want to let him go, she wanted him to feel as much love as possible from the embrace. "You're just so stubborn you refuse to see all the good qualities inside of you. So if you can't trust yourself, at least trust me. Please. I love you."

He didn't answer her instantly this time, instead he let her hold him, simply crying into her shoulder in silence for a while. "I love you..." she whispered. "You're going to be a great hero, Jaune. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but I know you'll make even yourself believe you're a worthy Arc someday..."

"I don't deserve yo-" he started to mumble into her shoulder, but he was cut off as Nora clutched him tighter.

"Yes you do. You deserve me, my love, and everything else you've gotten here at Beacon. None of us would have become your friend if you didn't deserve it, you know that, and none of us would have stood by you when you revealed that you didn't have any training unless we knew you could become something great." She leaned down and kissed the top of his head. "You do deserve this, Jaune..."

Once again he became silent. Until a small chuckle made its way from his throat.

"Th-that's great, but you're kind of crushing my spine..." Nora let out an 'Eep' and let go of him immediately. He smiled sheepishly up at her, tears still in his eyes. "It's alright, Nora, I'm fine now." She sent a small smile back. She always was just a little bit overzealous with the care she showed, but Jaune was glad she was.

She leaned in and wiped the tears off of his cheek. "So you believe me?"

"I'll try my hardest to, I can promise you that. But... right now? No. I'm still a long way from where I want to be. But I guess I can believe that I am where... I need to be."


End file.
